Too Many Changes!!!

Ode to be a kid again.

Where I am in my life, I would not categorize as the most fun point in my life. I am not comfortable and relaxed. 

Ode to be a kid again.

Change is hard. Change causes you to do some introspection and evaluate how you are progressing in life. Confirm whether or not you are actually adaptable. Change evokes powerful emotions often masked by simplicity. Change pulls and tugs on your heart.

Ode to be a kid again.

Power. We all want it in some shape or form. Power is addicting. Power feels very gratifying. Potential power plays a predictable role in our decision making process.

Ode to be a kid again.

A common phrase you may here is, "The struggle is real." I myself use this phrase to articulate that hard times are not a possibility, there are a reality. As much as we know about Christ, there is a tug of war that goes on in our heart and mind. I know that God is making a way for me to continue to grow and experience and reach his children, but my weak mind questions why it has to be so hard and why must I go through changes that make my stomach ache. If only I had more control (power) over the situation, things would turn our differently. Why must my eyes well up at the thought of having to accept so much new? I am going to chose your path to follow, but I feel my feet slowing down. Where has my enthusiasm to serve you gone?

"Thy word have I hid in my heart..."

The reality of walking with God is often times more than we perceive we can bear. It is almost shocking. If our life begins to parallel some of the Bible characters we have read about, fear starts to creep in. It's almost as if we were not expecting hard times like the Old Testament or life changing/ relocating experiences like in the New Testament.

"Thy word have I hid in my heart..." 

Brother, Sister, the fact is that this body we have is going to feel a lot of things throughout the rest of 2014 and the remainder of our time on earth. If you are to comfortable, please read John 15:18. We must put our trust in the right place. Don't let your discomfort confuse you into thinking you are all alone and without love and protection. 

"Thy word have I hid in my heart..."

I am not sure why the Lord keeps repeating this verse to me, but I sense it is because of John 1:1-4. We need to hold tight to the only lifeline that is able to sooth an aching heart, calm your anxious leg from continuously shaking, and motivate you to press forward every day.

There are days when being a kid seems like the easy way out. To reach back into time when your concerns were how much jelly was on your PB&J, whether Jamal and Katie wanted to be in your new club, or if you would make it home on time to watch your favorite TV show. But, who says God is not capable to reducing our stress?? Matthew 11:28-30. I need that type of rest. So, if it is available, then I suggest that I take advantage of it. 

Psalms 119:9-12 gives the big picture of the day. Take this word like it is chocolate or whatever your favorite food is, and savor every syllable and meaning. Then take it and savor it some more later on in the day. While you walk, drive, brush your teeth, stand in line, work out. Then before you sleep, savor it some more. Then repeat, repeat, repeat.

Check out this song to meditate on.

Where is our Savior taking in the latter part of 2014??

~Shana

And the Answer is...

Transformation 2:

Questions and Answers

     The month of February brought about a lot of questions. They seemed to arise from everywhere in every aspect of my life. I found that the questions seemed to simmer in my mind instead of come and leave. After simmering, they would then produce deep seeded doubts. These doubts were dangerous.

     As I said in my last post, there were so many changes going on at work that it seemed all to easy to lose ones footing--despite that not being the desire. At the school I work in, each day bring the unexpected. You never know what is going to happen, who is going to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or who will not be interested in being in class. Up the stress level and subtract a couple staff members, and the situation becomes harder to bear.

      The natural thing for me to do was to wonder--ask lots of questions in order to gain some answers. Right? Yet, I can honestly say that weeks later, some questions remain unanswered. Why? These questions were important! An answer would have made the difference between a stressed out teacher and a calmer more in control teacher. It made no sense to me. God, you said to ask and I would receive. You said to come to you and you would lead and guide me. Why didn't you lead and guide me to an answers to my many questions?

     Yes, I am aware of the fact that God has his own timing and design for every situation that I am in. However, it just did not seem to balance out with the other things He has spoken. 

     With all these thoughts rolling through my mind, it is a wonder I ever heard God speak, but I heard him loud and clear:

Who is in control? God or man?

Is every question meant to have an answer?

Which is easier, to trust Me or to ask a question?

To whom are you asking the question?

Do you already know the answer but refuse to acknowledge it?

     Receiving these questions from God was humbling. It hurt. I wanted answers, instead I was asked to provide answers. It was quite obvious that God's questions were more substantial than mine. I was not in control of all situations, hence my frustrations. Every question does not need to be answered. I know for fact because of working with kids. They can ask some silly questions. But then God's questions got harder to receive. I saw that it was easier to ask a question than to walk in faith. I knew there were times I avoided asking God directly because I knew how He would respond. I knew He would ask me to pray or seek His Word and I was not always in the mood for that. So, in turn I would ask myself or another person the questions on my mind.

Then there was the crowning question: Do you already know the answer but refuse to acknowledge it?

What!? Of course not.... Ok maybe it's a possibility. Fine! Yes!

I know that as a creation of God, I am wonderfully made-- made in his image. 

I know that He clearly led me to the job I have now and has a purpose and plan for me being here.

I know that when we train up a child, when he is older he will not stray from that upbringing.

I know that God allows for hard times to craft our character.

I know that He never leaves our side.

I know that trials never last forever.

I know that with patience, I can be an overcomer.

I know that I need to gird myself with the Armour of God.

     I am blessed with the knowledge of God that I have. He has taught me so many wonderful things. Shown me so much of who he is. He is truly an amazing, wonderful, beautiful, magnificent, powerful God and Father. I feel safe in his arms, but I also recognize that I need to trust him more. What would that look like? In not allowing life's many questions to simmer in my heart. Refusing to doubt God. Loving him back... always. For I reflect on how Job never knew about the conversation God had with Satan. The Bible never records him learning of the reason for all of his pain. He was someone who deserved to have many questions, but God flipped the script and asked Job some questions. Job 38-40. 

     All God is asking for is just a little bit of love from his children. He understands that sin has tainted our ability to love him, but it is not impossible. The month of February reminded me that I am not entitled because I am going through hard times. I need to set my questions aside and answer God's questions. When I do, everything falls back into place. My faith is increased and I feel alive again. My life falls back in order despite the chaos around me. 

There is truly healing in the name of Jesus. The words out of my mouth should not be a question, it should just be JESUS.

~Shana