Being very vulnerable in this first installment, I felt very helpless during the month of February. It is not easy for someone to express that they felt unable to do anything about the situation that were in, yet by the grace of God I am able.
There are a lot of changes happening at work. There are challenges that have been consistent thorns in my side and other challenges that arisen due to the changes. With everything that was going on, I still had to manage the classroom and fulfill my daily teacher duties. However, what are you to do when you are constant bombarded with questions you cannot answer? When you have to handle situations that do not give you enough time to deliberate on? What are you to do when stress is increasing and personal time is decreasing?
I will tell you what I did. I cried. For how could God have called me to a place where I feel I have no power over my circumstances? How dare he do that to me? I vowed to give my life in service to you and this is where I end up?
My mind could not wrap around the way that I felt about it all. My heart ached for answers and resolutions.
I ask you though, was I truly helpless?
Romans 8:26-27 says, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."
I was weak. There is no doubt about that. However, my true helplessness would be in me remaining in my sorrows without letting Christ into the heart to take control.
"Then he answered and spoke unto me, saying, “This is the word of the Lord unto Zerubbabel, saying, ‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ saith the Lord of hosts." Zech. 4:6
"The Spirit of the Lord will rest upon that king. The Spirit will give him wisdom and understanding, guidance and power. The Spirit will teach him to know and respect the Lord. This king will be glad to obey the Lord. He will not judge by the way things look or decide by what he hears. But he will judge the poor honestly; he will be fair in his decisions for the poor people of the land." Is. 11:2-4
When we allow for God's power to take control of our lives, all weakness is covered. God is not weak. God + me = strength.
"What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31
So what is the moral of my testimony? I must choose whether or not I will relinquish my helplessness to the one who is incapable to being helpless. I see that it is hard for humanity to let go of its crutch. It is comforting being weak because we are surrounded by weakness. I had to shed tears and come to my breaking point before I would allow God to finally have control of why I felt helpless. In retrospect... I should have let go and let God from day 1.
You are only helpless if you choose to remain all by yourself in your weakness.