Reflections on the Year So Far

     As April has begun, I see that I have the opportunity to reflect. Reflect on the goodness of Christ during the past couple of months.

     Since writing The Truth About Helplessness, And the Answer Is, and With a Swiftness!, I have reconnected with God and His reality for me. I see that He was able to purge me of many doubt and fears. I may not have answers to all of my questions, but it's not as big a deal. I do not need all my questions answered. I feel like I have regained control over my life. I guess you can say that I feel empowered.

     Keeping all my frustrations would kept me in a negative place. When frustrations consume ones mind, they push out the voice of God leaving your own. However, your own voice will guide you no where.

      I encourage you to reflect on 2014 so far. I know that the story for this year is still in the beginning chapters, but be encouraged.

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us." Eph. 3:20

Start here:

   1. What challenges have I faced?

   2. What questions do I have for God?

   3. How has me blessed me through the trial?

   4. What character weakness could He be working on?

I know God will carry you through because He is able.

How do you think He is able? Share that with me below!

With a Swiftness!

Transformation 3

     February was one of the most challenging months that I have endured in a very long time. Writing these Transformation testimonies has helped me to process, accept, and grow from what the Lord allowed me to go through. If you are going through some serious trials, go to the Lord and tell him what you think. Write out your fears and pain so that God can transform them into courage and love. Now here is the last installment.

******

With a Swiftness!

     Impatience is the understatement of the year. So much so that I struggle with revealing this weakness in words right now.

     I recall sitting at my desk in my classroom pondering how on earth I would ever make it through the month. With all the questions running on repeat in my mind, I was sure that I was doomed. There are 28 days in February? Well not in the year 2014. There were about 40 days in that month with each day containing 30 long and excruciating hours.

     There was a one particular coworker that I was praying for. There needed to be a change otherwise I would lose my Jesus through dealing with her--so I thought. I begged and pleaded with God to open her eyes, to grant me patience, to give me the words to speak to her, to reveal the secret recipe on how to deal with her. 

I got nothing.

I just had to keep pressing on through the fire and hope for relief. 

What craziness!

     How could I not see that each day was an answer to prayer! Arg! Everyday God was calling for me to stand firm on the Bible and focus on His will for me that day. How do I know this? It was all revealed weeks later in March. She informed me that God had rebuked her for how she had treated me on a particular day. However, I did not need to know that to trust God. I did not need the satisfaction, yet I craved it more than I craved the Word of God to give me guidance.

     When we hurry God along, we are setting up our own cones along the road to direct God on how He should lead and guide. Yet we give him no authority to actually lead and guide. 

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Fist and the Last the Beginning and the End." Rev. 22:13

God is both in the beginning and the end of the situation, which automatically makes his credentials to take the lead more substantial than our own.

"God is willing and He is able

This did not catch Him by surprise

So just trust Him and just oh, step aside"

~Step Aside by Yolanda Adams

     I have heard this from God before, but there is a reason why Paul wrote:

"I protest, brothers, by my pride in you, which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die every day!" 1 Cor. 15:31

It is because we must renew our hearts every day as to abstain from falling back into the same bad cycles. Cycles of trusting self more than God; of greed; of lying; of lust; of hate.

     It is time for me to respond to the Lord's call for me to act. He has never ceased to be about His business. It is time for me to pick up my feet and trust God with all of my heart. To focus only on Him throughout my day instead of all the many injustices I feel are falling upon me. Then I am to love all mankind, not excluding my enemies, as Jesus did.

Of course, I will do it With a Swiftness!

And the Answer is...

Transformation 2:

Questions and Answers

     The month of February brought about a lot of questions. They seemed to arise from everywhere in every aspect of my life. I found that the questions seemed to simmer in my mind instead of come and leave. After simmering, they would then produce deep seeded doubts. These doubts were dangerous.

     As I said in my last post, there were so many changes going on at work that it seemed all to easy to lose ones footing--despite that not being the desire. At the school I work in, each day bring the unexpected. You never know what is going to happen, who is going to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or who will not be interested in being in class. Up the stress level and subtract a couple staff members, and the situation becomes harder to bear.

      The natural thing for me to do was to wonder--ask lots of questions in order to gain some answers. Right? Yet, I can honestly say that weeks later, some questions remain unanswered. Why? These questions were important! An answer would have made the difference between a stressed out teacher and a calmer more in control teacher. It made no sense to me. God, you said to ask and I would receive. You said to come to you and you would lead and guide me. Why didn't you lead and guide me to an answers to my many questions?

     Yes, I am aware of the fact that God has his own timing and design for every situation that I am in. However, it just did not seem to balance out with the other things He has spoken. 

     With all these thoughts rolling through my mind, it is a wonder I ever heard God speak, but I heard him loud and clear:

Who is in control? God or man?

Is every question meant to have an answer?

Which is easier, to trust Me or to ask a question?

To whom are you asking the question?

Do you already know the answer but refuse to acknowledge it?

     Receiving these questions from God was humbling. It hurt. I wanted answers, instead I was asked to provide answers. It was quite obvious that God's questions were more substantial than mine. I was not in control of all situations, hence my frustrations. Every question does not need to be answered. I know for fact because of working with kids. They can ask some silly questions. But then God's questions got harder to receive. I saw that it was easier to ask a question than to walk in faith. I knew there were times I avoided asking God directly because I knew how He would respond. I knew He would ask me to pray or seek His Word and I was not always in the mood for that. So, in turn I would ask myself or another person the questions on my mind.

Then there was the crowning question: Do you already know the answer but refuse to acknowledge it?

What!? Of course not.... Ok maybe it's a possibility. Fine! Yes!

I know that as a creation of God, I am wonderfully made-- made in his image. 

I know that He clearly led me to the job I have now and has a purpose and plan for me being here.

I know that when we train up a child, when he is older he will not stray from that upbringing.

I know that God allows for hard times to craft our character.

I know that He never leaves our side.

I know that trials never last forever.

I know that with patience, I can be an overcomer.

I know that I need to gird myself with the Armour of God.

     I am blessed with the knowledge of God that I have. He has taught me so many wonderful things. Shown me so much of who he is. He is truly an amazing, wonderful, beautiful, magnificent, powerful God and Father. I feel safe in his arms, but I also recognize that I need to trust him more. What would that look like? In not allowing life's many questions to simmer in my heart. Refusing to doubt God. Loving him back... always. For I reflect on how Job never knew about the conversation God had with Satan. The Bible never records him learning of the reason for all of his pain. He was someone who deserved to have many questions, but God flipped the script and asked Job some questions. Job 38-40. 

     All God is asking for is just a little bit of love from his children. He understands that sin has tainted our ability to love him, but it is not impossible. The month of February reminded me that I am not entitled because I am going through hard times. I need to set my questions aside and answer God's questions. When I do, everything falls back into place. My faith is increased and I feel alive again. My life falls back in order despite the chaos around me. 

There is truly healing in the name of Jesus. The words out of my mouth should not be a question, it should just be JESUS.

~Shana

He Comes Through in the End

Today has definitely been a tough day at work. It just seemed so endless. Too many children to watch; too many reminders to stay on task; and too many academic decisions to be made. It was just endless.

By 4 p.m. I just wanted to go home. I was running low on fuel and my patience tank was depleting. Yet, I still had my third group of students on the docket for the day. I felt like I was dragging myself along. I was just done.

As I stand at the board teaching math a while later, I realize that this last group of students did not deserve to get my left overs. I felt burnt out, but they still needed their teacher. They deserved the same positive, fun, learning environment that I had provided earlier in the day.

I wish I could say that I did a 180 and was ready again to tackle the rest of my day. Nope. That is not what happened. However, I can say that I said a prayer in my heart to God and my outlook improved. I felt like I had a little more energy and a lot more mental clarity. Most importantly I felt God speaking through me and teaching my student when I felt unable to pull information from my mind. That was when I truly felt the power.

So, what is the morel of the story? I have no idea what God meant for me to get from today specifically since I feel like so much happened, but I know that I will never forget how he answered my prayer. He spoke through me, which spoke to me. He lifted me up when I felt I could only go down. He came through for my students when I could not. So, I guess:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

~Proverbs 3:5-6

Past Words, Present Reminder

As I looked back on some of my old posts, I feel like I have relearned some very important lessons tonight.

One  I am very thankful to be reminded of putting God in front of me instead of behind me.

I don't know if it is memory loss or just pride, but I find it to easy to develop that "I've got it" attitude even thought it has failed me in the past. I am not referring to confidence, I am referring to the type of thoughts that slowly/quickly push away God. Thoughts that remove him from the throne of our hearts. Thoughts that belittle his character and magnify my own. Dangerous thoughts.

When I want to take the reigns, all of a sudden I know that answers to more questions and the great mysteries. How funny is that. I am no where intelligent enough to answer all the questions of life, let alone the tough questions I meet each day. Then why would I think I could manage it all on my own.

Job 39-41 was written for moments like this when I forget how great God is. When God reminds me that he is the one who gave horses their strength. The one that created the hawk to fly through His wisdom. I can not compare.

But, I am not saddened by such revelations. I am empowered. I was not created to do it all on my own. I was not created to answer all of my questions. I was not created to become the creator. I am the creation. I need to stand up behind the one whose death allows me to be white as snow. I don't have to know all the answers because all I have to do is ask and it shall be given unto me.

"Trust and obey"

It is easier said than done, however oh so important. Do not slip into the valley of pride and discouragement. Stay connected to the source of life- the Living Water. 

"Pray in the Spirit at al times with all kinds of prayers, asking for everything you need. To do this you must always be ready and never give up. Always pray for all God's people." Eph. 6:18

I was reminded of this principle for a reason. I need to meditate on it this weekend and apply it to my life again. How about you? Why has God led you to this message?

~Shana

More than a Phrase

I know that Happy New Year is a phrase that is easy to roll off the tongue. However, I actually want this year to be a happy one. I don't want mediocrity. I do not desire to barely make it through. This new year will be more than I could ever imagine, but I have to do it God's way. I have expectations and desires. I can envision a future that makes me smile:

My Happy New Year:

Increase of patience

Writing more

More dates with God

A successful semester

My students drawing closer to God

Visiting friends in different parts of the country

Traveling more than in 2013

Becoming more financially sound

My heart opening up more to God's will

This is not the end of the list, I see a future of adjusting more to living a balanced lifestyle. Exercising more and drinking 3 liters of water everyday. 

So Lord, I want to give you the desires of my heart that would make me happy. I also open the door for you to give me desires that I do not know I have....

My Happy New Year Part 2:

Trials that increase my love of others

More challenges from my students

Hard weeks to remind me that I need you

... As many challenges that come my way, I renew my commitment to you. 

It will not be easy to achieve a happy year. I must always lean on Christ. I must be content with the life that God has given me instead of dreaming of a different one. I must have God's Word live in me and ignite me. I must choose to be happy. Not an impossible task because I have experienced happiness in the Lord before, so let's do this thang!

~Shana

A Pause to Say Thanks

Hey Lord,

It took a really good friend to knock some sense into me yesterday. "You really need to stop and thank the Lord." It is true. I need to stop and say thanks. So, here I am, pausing from FB and other social medias, work, clubs and other leadership duties, and all other distractions, to talk to you; the one who I should spend more of my time with.

While catching up on my childhood cartoon on Sunday, you spoke to me. I was shocked at first, because I don't really expect to get anything from moving pictures, but nonetheless I got more than I bargained for.

From the Adventures from the Book of Virtues:

"When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems far.

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,

It's when things seen WORST that you mustn't quit."

Lord, I when I needed you the most, you reached your strong arms around me and pulled me close. It was at that moment that I recalled that you were already at my side; sharing my personal space, but I'm glad you are. Continue to share the same air as me, to walk with me, to read what I read, and to watch me as I sleep. I feel safe with you around and lost when I think that you are not near. 

Tomorrow commeth soon, so I'm going to take your hand today.

~Shana

God Works in Mysterious Ways

Sometimes the phrase "God works in mysterious ways" is an understatement. But nonetheless, it is true. God truly works in mysterious ways. We, as humans, spend a lot of time trying to understand ourselves; who we are and what we are made for. Half the time we don't fully trust God because we don't understand our inner workings. But the.... but then God comes around the corner. He is armed with answered prayer and peace. But, we are confused, because we don't grasp how the answers relate to us. We hesitate to accept the peace. Next thing you know, emotions are rising up from the crevices of your heart, challenging God's answers....

What if........
              But how about......
                                Remember feeling........

Then I remember that all the old things Satan (Snap, it was him all along) tries to drudge up and that indeed- old. Man, Satan can make the past seem like yesterday; sometimes it is, but most of the time it was weeks, months or years ago.

Somewhere along the line, I gave those insecurities, frustrations, worries to God. So, Satan, you actually have no power over me. If I did not give them to God in the past, then I can now and Satan still loses.

God is truly mysterious. He answers prayers when he wants to. Show's up when he wants to while simultaneously never leaving your side. And now that Satan is out of the way, we see that the answers to our questions also reveal and explain more of who God made us to be. Then before we know it we have taken the peace that He was offering. We win.

Compared to Forever

"We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than the troubles. We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever."
~2 Cor 4:17-18

I woke up this morning from a very troubling dream. It happens at times, but is no fun none the less. I just looked at Jesus and asked, "Why?" Just like a child looks at his parent with the eyes filled with pain and confusion, I looked to my Father. But God the Father took my eyes without hesitation and directed they to 2 Corinthians.

The words began to fill me with energy and hope. confusion began to leave and my mind once again understood that, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." (2 Cor 3:17) You can't argue with freedom. That is what we all desire. Freedom from the pain and afflictions from life and Satan.

If you have ever been in pain, welcome to humanity. If you have never been freed from pain while it is happening, let me introduce you to my God. Pain comes, stirring everything within you up, and often leaves scares. But, God is in the business of healing. He does not have to take the situation away to heal you. He does not have to remove all the emotions to heal you. He only needs access to your heart.

We literally have a whole lotta troubles going on in our lives, no doubt. Without them, though, we would be in a pretty sad state in life. So, how does God begin the healing process? By asking us to look beyond the few inches in front of us. Look beyond the few feet in front of us. Look beyond the few miles in front of us. Look beyond a few years in the future. Look to eternity. There will not be financial problems in eternity. You will not have awkward situations in eternity. You will not have to choose between food and gas in eternity. You will not be hit or abused; ignored or exalted; made to feel insecure or cocky.

The situation you are in will only last a short time. Whether it be a few days or a few decades, it is only a passing moment compared to forever.

Have You Met My God??

Lord,

It's been a hard scary week.
Not sure why all this has gone down.
But, I don't need to understand to trust you.

Satan thinks he can squash my purpose.
He has not met my God!

My body thinks that it will not recover.
It has not met my God!

My mind thinks it is not capable of understanding.
Who is wonderfully made by God again?

I may loose faith in who I am.
Have I forgotten that I'm besties with God??

The pain that is in my heart.
Skipping from vein to vein.
Will not consume me much longer.
Has it not met my God??

I am sure
   I am sure
      I am sure

as there is air in my lungs

     I serve a RISEN Savior!!

        So, Satan, if you thought you won this week....

                                                          HA!

2 Kings 11

     I always loved the story of Joash, "The Boy King," when I was growing up. What was not to love? He was a jit, yet he was ruling a country. Not only that, but his entrance was so grand. :-) That's pretty awesome for a boy who was only seven years old. As I read the story now I have noticed a few new things that remind me of how experience may not always seem to work in your favor, but on God's side, they always do.
     After Athaliah, Joash's grandmother, went on killing spree of all her family, Joash's aunt stole him and hid him. Now of all the words that you could insert there, stole is an interesting one to use. Strong. For Joash, that was not fun, good thing he was a baby. But, they took him to a safe place, the temple. Irony: Judah was so far from God that Athaliah never thought of checking the church for her family. Deep.
     Finally, I admired the strong stand that Jehodiah, the priest took. He orchestrated the crowing of Joash. Commanded the special palace guards on what to do and made sure everything was planned out to the 't' and organized.
     There is soo much to be taken from this one chapter. For one, experiences in life are what help to shape who you are. Some times those experiences can be crazy. Athaliah was just crazy, she done lost her marbles. Being taken from your family as a baby, never to know them. Whether or not your family is crazy or sane, it's a blessing to know them. Then you have to prepare to take the throne at seven years old. There are spears and shields all around you as if your life may be taken at any moment, but you have to be a big boy-- a man. This is no normal llife. How many of us could handle such a call. So many people can barely handle the call that God has given them in their families or careers, let alone leading a country. The crazy thing is that each individuals call is great in the eyes of the Lord, which makes them great. Wow.... we must all answer God's call without comparing it to that of the person next to us. When we do that, we run the risk of convincing ourselves not to answer.
     In this story it was imparative for each person to play their part. Joash had to say yes, Jehoiada had to say yes to the Lord, the temple guards had to risk their lives by betraying the queen, Jehosheba, Joash's aunt, had to answer God's calling and take the child. Crazy, what would the story been like had one of the main characters said no to God? Why was it so organized. What was God doing? What was the end of the story to look like? Well, the end is yet to come. We are all still apart of the story. Because all of the these people obeyed God, God was finally able to put Judah back on the right track. King after king had disobeyed God. It seemed as though God was no longer good enough. But, after Joash becomes king, it is time to destroy all of Baal's temple and followers. This time however, "all the people of the land," took that temple down. All. In past chapters, it would say that the a king would order for Baal temples to be done away, but not this time. This time the story points out a change in the people. They took the reigns and were ready to go wherever God called. That is what this whole story is about! God wanted to show his people hat it is possible to follow Me. Look at all of these people who have been following me for years. Look at how faithful they are to me. You can be faithful too. God wants to use our lives to bring others to His side! There is not a person out there who has no influence in someone else's life. It could be a stranger or someone you know. We just need to say yes to the Lord and be used so that we can finally go HOME!

Amazing Sabbath!!

God, you are more than amazing! Sometimes, slash most of the time, I just can't put you into words. Today, I would say, has been an affirming day. The word that was spoken by your manservant was.... the fire that consumed much of the mess in my heart. The word was fierce and bold, reminding me that God is not looking for followers who will watch Jesus carry His cross. He wants followers who will take up their own cross and walk with the Lord. Accepting whatever consequences that come about because of that decision. Keep me eyes focused on Christ and we will not fall into the traps that Satan will set up.

Affirmation.

More than just a beautiful thing, it is needed in the lives of all men. There is not a person on this plant who can go without the affirmation the Lord provides. Also, today He showed me how we, people, can affirm each other. It isn't always about sharing something a person has never heard before, so many times it is saying what they have heard. Speaking those familiar and comforting words at the right time pertaining to the right circumstances. Thanks Lord!

There is so much beauty to be seen in the works of the Lord. Besides the beautiful weather that kept me smiling as I took a walk, I took in the scents of the love of God. I took in the sights of miracles. I felt the presence of my one true love. For me, that calls to entitling today an Amazing Sabbath!! :-D

For What Reason?

So, God is not so subtly showing me that His reasons are not always my reasons. So, why would you put me in that situation? That question for some reason tends to appear it's pretty little head into my life. Why? Why? Why? It is true that God does not have to answer that question, but because of love He sometimes does. He has definitely been doing that for me there past few weeks. Why has He been doing that? Preparation.

Preparation: The action of making ready or being made ready for use.

It is a series of actions. The simple everyday events that he has allowed to take place in my life has been to prepare me for the future that He is taking me to. I think that we have grown up in an evironment where we think that we have to be set up in a certain type of environment or relationship to learn what is needed. What about God? Does He not poses the ability to teach and educate on anything that He has created or that you need to know about? We ought not to limit God to a very small classroom. He can set you up in a situation or teach you one on one. 

Ultimately he wants us to be prepared to what is to come. There are so many lessons in the Bible that educate us and prepare us for an unknown future. There are even some books that are prophetic so that we are prepared for situations that will be so far out off our conception. The future may be unknown, but it does not have to be foreign.

I love the thought that God puts me in the know when I think I know not. When He gives me peace in place of worry when I feel like I am still filled with fear. When He gives me glimpses of a future that is unlike my past. When I learn about x from situation y.

God retaught me that He has no limits.

Whose Plans Should Have the Stage

     I took a moment today to reflect on how God uses our testimony to bless others. I was reminded of that when I spoke with my brother a few days ago. What was supposed to be a conversation where a sister was supporting her older brother, it became a conversation where God was supporting His son.

     It was intense. Hearing the words come out of my mouth that I knew were not my own. I felt as if I was sharing my experience and the experience was transforming into so much more. After the call, I was exhausted, but I felt great.

     Today God reminded me of an important message, "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you...." I spent so much time recently trying to create my own miracle. I possess no such power. Whereas, I possess the power to give it all to God. Do my part and let God handle the rest. 

     God also revealed that he allowed the recent events to get worse right before He answered my prayers, because He wanted me to forever remember that it was He who worked it all out. Not me and my own works. I will always remember who was the author and finisher of that chapter.

     Allow God's plan to do more than take center stage, allow them to have the stage!

More Than a Simple Concept

Well, this being my first blog, I will just dive into my thoughts. Woot!

     Balance. So much more than an instrument used in a science lab, it is the essence of life. Look at the weather that we have been encountering these past few years, it has been very inconsistent. One year it is snowing a lot in a region that hardly ever gets snow, and the next year that same region is back to normal. People of various backgrounds and geographical locations will deliberate on what could be causing such an unbalance. Ultimately, they come to no single conclusion, instead they agree to disagree.
     So, what else could balance entail? We are all familiar with the concept of living a balanced life. Yes. That is no new concept. But, is it more than a concept? What does a balanced life entail? Eating right, getting an appropriate amount of sleep each night, exercising and spending quality time with the Lord. But, if I attempt to do each of these things, does that automatically mean that I am now living a balanced life? My answer is no.
     Devotions are critical to my sanity. Each day I seek to spend quality time with the Lord to ensure that I am equip for the day. This past week, God has been defining balance slowly but surely. So, what has He been sharing? One, it all starts in the mind. Two, patience is the forgotten ingredient. And, more to come when He reveals the other components.
     In this blog, I'll dive into numero uno. Why does it all start in the mind? Well, who makes you pick the red shirt over the green one? Who makes you choose what to cook for dinner? You make these decisions yourself. You talk yourself into or out of anything! Man, that is so true. Why I sometimes start to get ready for the gym, but never exactly get my sneakers on.... Fail! I have noticed how little times during the day do we make calculated decisions. Instead we just go with whatever works for the moment. Imagine, though, if we would see life more in the big picture. What a difference that would make. Instead of taking a nap, we could do something to get our mind going again. Then we would stay productive and ultimately not feel the pressure to stay up late. Just an example.
    So, nothing new, it all begins in the mind. What does that have to do with balance? Who has the power to help you make better decisions? Decisions that, when you put them altogether, reveal a beautiful picture of balance. The author of our faith should also be the author of our decisions. It is so hard for us to make all the right decisions to keep a balanced lifestyle, that most of us give up after a day or two of trying. We need to open our tired eyes, and see that the God who we spend time wants to step in and lead our minds. When you are frustrated, which will affect your decisions making ability, He can take control of every nerve. When you are overwhelmed by the tasks of life, He can relax every nerve. Then He moves beyond your mind and to your body. You become filled with peace and assurance. Suddenly you have a sense of clarity and hope. The sleep you thought you would never get, you realize you have had for two days straight now. The concept of drinking 8 glasses of water becomes easy as pie. The walk to gym shrinks from 30 minutes to 5 minutes. 3 hours of study time for 2 classes, turns into 5 hours for 4 classes. Reality is what you make it. So, when God takes reign over your mind, true balance becomes your reality.