Questions and Answers
The month of February brought about a lot of questions. They seemed to arise from everywhere in every aspect of my life. I found that the questions seemed to simmer in my mind instead of come and leave. After simmering, they would then produce deep seeded doubts. These doubts were dangerous.
As I said in my last post, there were so many changes going on at work that it seemed all to easy to lose ones footing--despite that not being the desire. At the school I work in, each day bring the unexpected. You never know what is going to happen, who is going to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or who will not be interested in being in class. Up the stress level and subtract a couple staff members, and the situation becomes harder to bear.
The natural thing for me to do was to wonder--ask lots of questions in order to gain some answers. Right? Yet, I can honestly say that weeks later, some questions remain unanswered. Why? These questions were important! An answer would have made the difference between a stressed out teacher and a calmer more in control teacher. It made no sense to me. God, you said to ask and I would receive. You said to come to you and you would lead and guide me. Why didn't you lead and guide me to an answers to my many questions?
Yes, I am aware of the fact that God has his own timing and design for every situation that I am in. However, it just did not seem to balance out with the other things He has spoken.
With all these thoughts rolling through my mind, it is a wonder I ever heard God speak, but I heard him loud and clear:
Who is in control? God or man?
Is every question meant to have an answer?
Which is easier, to trust Me or to ask a question?
To whom are you asking the question?
Do you already know the answer but refuse to acknowledge it?
Receiving these questions from God was humbling. It hurt. I wanted answers, instead I was asked to provide answers. It was quite obvious that God's questions were more substantial than mine. I was not in control of all situations, hence my frustrations. Every question does not need to be answered. I know for fact because of working with kids. They can ask some silly questions. But then God's questions got harder to receive. I saw that it was easier to ask a question than to walk in faith. I knew there were times I avoided asking God directly because I knew how He would respond. I knew He would ask me to pray or seek His Word and I was not always in the mood for that. So, in turn I would ask myself or another person the questions on my mind.
Then there was the crowning question: Do you already know the answer but refuse to acknowledge it?
What!? Of course not.... Ok maybe it's a possibility. Fine! Yes!
I know that as a creation of God, I am wonderfully made-- made in his image.
I know that He clearly led me to the job I have now and has a purpose and plan for me being here.
I know that when we train up a child, when he is older he will not stray from that upbringing.
I know that God allows for hard times to craft our character.
I know that He never leaves our side.
I know that trials never last forever.
I know that with patience, I can be an overcomer.
I know that I need to gird myself with the Armour of God.
I am blessed with the knowledge of God that I have. He has taught me so many wonderful things. Shown me so much of who he is. He is truly an amazing, wonderful, beautiful, magnificent, powerful God and Father. I feel safe in his arms, but I also recognize that I need to trust him more. What would that look like? In not allowing life's many questions to simmer in my heart. Refusing to doubt God. Loving him back... always. For I reflect on how Job never knew about the conversation God had with Satan. The Bible never records him learning of the reason for all of his pain. He was someone who deserved to have many questions, but God flipped the script and asked Job some questions. Job 38-40.
All God is asking for is just a little bit of love from his children. He understands that sin has tainted our ability to love him, but it is not impossible. The month of February reminded me that I am not entitled because I am going through hard times. I need to set my questions aside and answer God's questions. When I do, everything falls back into place. My faith is increased and I feel alive again. My life falls back in order despite the chaos around me.
There is truly healing in the name of Jesus. The words out of my mouth should not be a question, it should just be JESUS.